I've been thinking about my friends, i'm not the most sociable person you're going to find out there, i can hold myself in most social scenarios but definitely not my favorite place to be, as a consequence i ended up with roughly two types of friends on my life and i feel like i'm no longer enjoying myself that much with the first type but also i feel like a burden with the second type...

The first type are my lifetime friends, few friends, most of us study together since primary school all the way to high school graduation and even some of the group even study together in university. So it's a very long friendship 14 years or so. The thing is we are a very unlikely group to be together, we talk about this sometimes, the way all of us are very different and the things we do have in common are things that we developed together in the years, but we always agree that i would be very unlikely to be friends if we haven't meet so many years ago in school and basically being forced to interact with each other because everyone else had their own closed group and we were the weird kids on our classroom.

I often feel like i'm not myself when hanging out together, like i'm very used to acting in a very specific way and don't get me wrong i do get fun isn't like the are somehow terrible or anything but it is a weird feeling and while i'm having fun at the same time i'm not enjoying myself that much, i don't know if that makes any sense but welp.

My other friends are more recent, in my times from university. Another small group i would say 6sh friends maybe a little more but the closest ones are 2 + 1 of them.

2 of them are university friends and +1 because that's the sister of one of them but she didn't study with us. But i do consider her my friend in the same way i do with the other two.

My two university friends they use to get along pretty well while we were taking classes together but once we graduate they just stopped talking that much, they are both introverted and do not have a lot in common so they have little to talk about u know.

Anyway i love being with them, with any of them really. They are cool, we have things in common, and i don't feel like i'm being a different person of who i am while we hang out.

Unfortunately i feel like a burden, if you ask them none of them would tell you i'm really a burden, i can say pretty confidently that none of them think that of me. Still i feel like me, existing, is a mood killer.

I do feel great with them, and i least with with my closest and her sister i enjoy even doing nothing. But wait a little, sometimes minutes, sometimes a few hours. And i start feeling bad for wasting their time, very bad. Their life is getting away every second and i feel so bad because they are spending some of that being with me...