I started going to therapy a few week ago. Well more like a few months ago, and something that is keeping up the interest of my psychologist is the apparent lack of desire of social interaction.

I like spending time on my own, apparently i like spending time on my own very very much, like a lot. It isn't something too bad by itself, but his concerns started resonating with me.

Finally it hit me, i notice how much i don't talk with my friends, how much i push them away, how much i like but at the same time i don't like being with them. My best friend has been begging me go to her home to spend some time since the last year and i just can't bring myself to go, looking for excuses and just being awful with her, not because i just plainly treat her badly of anything but because i seem to not care how she feels.

Yesterday i went to her home to get something i needed, she looked at me, we hug each other she give me what i was looking for we hugged again and i left, the whole interaction was like 3 minutes maximum and i just felt so bad because she is being trying the reach me out for a whole fucking year and when i finally decide to go, it was simply because there was something i needed to get and that's it.

Then i started noticing how i just don't go out of my way to be with my friends, i do things like studying, working out, playing, working. Whatever i need to do by myself and if for some reason my friends are close well that's good, but i am not going to do something specifically to be with them. I'm just living my life and if they are close by that good i guess.

Why is so fucking hard to me? I hate myself for just don't caring or even if i do care i don't do anything to spend time with them.

1 Year of not seeing each other because i like to make excuses, the one time we do see each other was because i needed something and that's it.

And she isn't even the only one i have years without seeing. I'm that bad, apparently spending some time isn't worth in my book. Maybe i should end my friendship with them so at least there's a real excuse for me being this shit.